It has been a while since I have posted. We have been busy, BUT in a good way. We have made some amazing memories spent with our entire family, while our boys were home from college. These past few months God has shown me nuggets to share with you about faith, marriage, and revelations about myself.
I have personally been on my own journey of reading through the old testament, battling getting back on track with my eating and weight loss, and trying not to worry so much about situations that are out my control.
This past summer I have thought a lot about “Quality Time” and “Talking with your Spouse”. In the past years of our marriage, we have spent some wonderful TIME together going on beautiful vacations, fancy restaurants, lavish DATE nights, but as I look back I would say that the BEST conversations have been lately on our walks, or on our back porch, starring at our lake.
I seem to find myself looking at these couple’s on Facebook and their date nights, and thinking are you talking DEEP? NOW, don’t get me wrong, date nights are amazing, we encourage them in our small group, we ourselves love going on them, but the key is REAL, DEEP, conversation. I think back to the vacations and fancy restaurants over the years and wonder…… did my husband and I talk about anything that really mattered? It seems like in a marriage we can go weeks, months, even years, without talking about anything really deep or meaningful. As we journey through life together as a couple, we change, grow, children leave, friends change, and hopefully, we are growing spiritually with Jesus. Lets face it, I am not the same young girl my husband married 22 years ago ( Thank GOD), I have grown and matured in my walk with Jesus, I value different things in life, and two of our three children live on their own now in college. Life has changed.
A magazine writer recently posted this….
A study from the Brigham Young University and Colorado State University tracked the leisure activity and relationship of 318 couples who were married or lived together. They found that women cared more than men about spending time together. But they were clear that the time had to involve talking to each other. If you can’t remember what an activity like that would be – think visiting a place of interest (an art gallery rather than pub) or cooking together. Just being with their partner didn’t make their relationship better – they had to communicate with them.
The last sentence really stood out to me, Just being with their partner didn’t make their relationship better- they had to communicate with them.
You might be saying to yourself, how do I start this process with My spouse????
First of all your spouse needs other men sharpening him and should be a part of a men’s small group/accountability group. If your husband has other men holding him accountable, he is more likely to serve you, and want to improve the marriage bond. The concept is called SERVANT/ LEADERSHIP; its what Jesus did on Earth.
Second, don’t be afraid to take the initiative to start this process. Ask your husband about his day at work, be interested in the things he is interested in. Eventually, he will begin to be interested in things you are interested in, and from there the process grows.
I would like to take it even deeper, we need to communicate with each other on a deep level, our feelings, mind state, and NOT discuss our kids all the time! I often think about the fact that one day, it will be just my husband and I in our home. The time to work on things is NOW, the Time to have deep conversations is NOW, not when everyone has moved on and your now starring at this person, thinking I don’t even know who you are anymore, because we haven’t really talked in all these years.
Our best conversations today are about God, where we are at emotionally, the things we want to do together in Life, our Goals to lead a healthier life, traveling, ministry, friends or loved ones we are praying for, serving others together, work, bucket list ideas, and ideas on how to spend quality time together.
A Pastor in Minnesota said, Marriage isn’t a Time for coasting. It’s when we gear up, when we pursue our wives in love, when we seek our joy in their joy…. and yes when we spend time together.
Ephesians 5:25- Husbands, love your wives as Christ Loved the Church.
We hear this bible verse thrown around in church settings and by Christians all the time, but to really LIVE this verse out is powerful. How did Christ love the church, how much did he love the church, what was he willing to do for the Church?
When “Deep TALK” happens we can experience the following:
- discover new things about your spouse
- discover new things about yourself
- confirmation about an issue you needed to hear from them
Romans 15:5-6 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus , so that with ONE HEART and mouth you may glorify the GOD and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
In the end, you will find that you are craving these times of connecting on a deeper level with your spouse and you BOTH can’t live without it.
I challenge you to Spend quality time Talking to your spouse and getting DEEP! I promise you it will strengthen your bond and bring you closer together as you journey through life.